Taking the Bikini Plunge

A week before leaving for the beach, I had said that I wasn't going to wear my bikini at the beach.  I was at a lower weight than I'd worn them before, but didn't feel so great about myself.  I took them with me just in case.  A few kind words about my parents about how good I was looking (fully clothed of course) and I decided to take the plunge.  I only have one where the bottom was big enough so I did still wear my tankini as well.  Above is a shot of me lounging in that.

I know it's not great, but I take comfort in the fact that I've seen people who are quite a bit heavier than me wearing them and if they have the confidence, I sure can too.  My legs have never been great, and for only being four and a half months after having a baby my belly could be a whole lot worse.

 Two years ago, I weighed almost the exact same weight (down to 0.2lbs difference) and I was way more comfortable in my own skin.  It was, however, 17 months after Brady was born and all the skin had shrunk back into place.

I feel a whole lot better about things when I compare what I looked like after having Brady to now.  I wouldn't have even considered donning a bikini four months after he was born.  I was even wearing an XL tankini top.  On the left I was 183lbs four months after Brady at the beach, and the left is now at just under 162lbs.  Even though I started heavier this time, I made sure not to let the gain get out of control and have been working hard since being cleared for the gym.  I can be proud of myself for that.  Next year, I would like to be down 20lbs more than this year, which should be totally attainable if I hit my goal of 148lbs by Christmas.  I want to not have to be self-conscious and wondering what other people are thinking of me.  I've been obese and I should be proud that I can show off my transformation in progress.

"Just One Time"

Being home reminds me of family gatherings. Growing up, my extended family never held back about me being overweight. When I started losing weight, they thought it was great, but family gatherings were tough. One minute, they were telling me how great I looked, and the next I was being offered a piece of cake or pie. When I would politely decline (at least towards the beginning of my weight loss), they would say, "It's just one time. It's ok." If I thought like that, every day would turn into "just one time." Now that I'm married into an even larger Italian family than my own, the gatherings have more than doubled.




My youngest cousin is 7, and more overweight than I was a child. She sneaks food and even resorts to stealing change to buy junk food. She's been caught several times, but the behavior continues, just going to show that parents can't always control the childhood obesity epidemic. She gets the same criticism that I endured, but she's constantly getting mixed signals from family. She didn't want to eat her meat at dinner, after eating all the side dishes, and was told that she wouldn't get dessert if she didn't eat it, which led to lots of crying. My Mimi had had enough and finally gave her a second piece of bread and told her she could have it if she finished her meat. I was shocked that she would give her something less healthy in order to eat something healthy. I told her she was sending the wrong signal by bribing with more food, and she took it away from her, which led to more crying.

Where do you draw the line when it comes to making an exception? When I was teaching, there was always food around. When I taught Pre-K, there were two snacks per day and birthdays on top of that. At the elementary level, every Friday, the faculty would take turns bringing in bagels and pastries for everyone. It was very hard to say "just one time," because the next week the temptation would be back. Something I've learned along the way is having temptations around will lead to indulgence. If there's an item in your house or workplace that's a temptation, the more times you have to walk past it, the more likely you are to cave in and eat it. That's why I'm very lucky to be at home during the day with Brady. Some people would think that this leads to eating more and everyone is different, but for me it's the opposite. I don't eat in restaurants by myself, and since Brady's still young, even taking him feels like being by myself. I don't keep anything bad in my house so as not to tempt myself.Summer 2005 with my PopPop and youngest two cousins
(1 year before I joined Weight Watchers)

With my cousin, Lauren

With my cousin, Chloe

With my cousin, Ava