In 20 days we will be on a plane headed back to the States and although I've enjoyed our travels, it won't be one minute too soon.
I haven't been on the scale since early May and at that point I was 166lb. I haven't dared to step on since, but I know that things are bad since I have about four pairs of pants that actually fit me now. On our most recent trip, I caught an image of myself in the full-length mirror in the hotel. I really didn't like what I saw and was forever grateful that our apartment only has mirrors that show us from the shoulders up or I'd feel even worse about myself every day.
I hate feeling uncomfortable every minute of every day and I know that I only have myself to blame. There are some factors that are beyond my control here (such as the minimum fat content on meat here being 13%), but I'm sure the brunt of the blame falls to me.
As if I didn't feel bad enough about myself, I know that going home, everyone who hasn't seen me since Christmas when I was at my lowest is going to be commenting on how I look now (whether to my face or behind my back). To top things off, all my "fat" clothes are in a storage unit that I won't have access to until we have a permanent residence, so I'll have to buy new clothes as soon as we get home. There's nothing I hate more than buying clothes in a bigger size when I know that I have them already. I'll even have to buy new bathing suits for the beach, since I doubt that I'll be bikini ready only six weeks from our return.
Although it's super convenient when it comes to feeding Brady, I will not miss the easy access to street food. In the States, you have to consciously make the effort to eat out, whereas here food is everywhere. I'm hoping that the instant decrease in fat content and carbs in my diet will help give me a jump start when I get back and the number isn't as bad as I think it's going to be when I step on a scale in a meeting during the first week in July.
When we touch down in the States, I'll be starting at square one, but I know from past upswings that I can take the weight off, it's just a matter of hard work and will power. I can guarantee I'll be in the gym within 24 hours of our return because I just hate the way that I feel. In the meantime, I'll be rocking out to "Fat Bottomed Girls" (either original of Glee version) and "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson.