Reaching a Breaking Point

We've been in Germany just shy of two months and I've reached a breaking point.  I had a pair of jeans that were my favorite "skinny" jeans.  When I went down below 155lb, they became my "fat" jeans because they were way too big.  This past weekend, I brought them with me, and when I put them on, they were uncomfortably tight.  The only time they've ever felt that way in those jeans was when I was around 165lbs and I know I'm nowhere near there.  That just scared the crap out of me.

I'm still in a point where I'm putting up a fight, but not a very good one, so the weight is still coming on.  I'm not very happy here, so it's easier for me to give in to eating than pick a healthy option, but that has to change.  I don't feel better when I don't fit into my clothes well and I don't have an endless supply of sizes in my closet.


Most people make a New Years resolution, but since my birthday was two days ago, I'm going to make a birthday resolution.  Here's the list of things I'm going to try to do to turn my situation here around:

• Track more consistently
• Eat a maximum of two pastry/bread items a week
• Make healthier choices when I'm away from the house
• Plan to cook more meals instead of filling my freezer with pre-made ones
• Drink more water
• Pick more filling snacks
• Go for a walk with Brady when we have nothing else planned and the weather is nice enough (no rain), instead of staying inside the house
• Try to have a more positive attitude
• Eating only when I'm hungry and not when I'm bored (which is all to often here)
• Stick to the food plan I have for the week
• Ration out the Swiss chocolates we recently acquired so they don't create more of a problem
• Stop thinking about my weight all the time (which is easier said than done)
• Try to manage the pre-dinner slump a lot better instead of eating anything I can find and then not being hungry for dinner and eating it anyway

That probably seems like a long list, but there are so many moving parts in weight loss and weight management.

I haven't been on a scale since before our trip to Switzerland this past weekend and I know I was about a pound up from the last official weekend, and I know it could easily have gotten worse in the last week.  A huge sticking point for people frustrated with small loses in meeting rooms, was that the weight didn't come on overnight, so the weight coming off won't either.  Sometimes I agree with that, but right now I'm having a hard time.  I keep thinking in my head that if I continue gaining at this rate, I'll be up almost 20lb by the time we come home and I just can't deal with that mentally.  I've had periods of weight gain during the course of my journey, but I made more bad choices during those times.  I feel frustrated and helpless with the limited variety and light choices here and sometimes when I feel bad for myself, I just say, "It's not fair."